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Monday, March 3, 2014

One way or another, we're all in this together...

I've always thought there are basically two ways to go about things...we can dwell on the negative, spotlighting the horrible, or, we can embrace the positive and spotlight moments that can help us get through the either case, at the end of the day, it's the end of the day.

Another way to look at it -- you can be 'down to earth' about where you are and what you have on your plate, or, you can look ahead to where you want to be and focus on that.  Other ways to describe this, "this is life, baby, deal with it."  or  "life is what you make of it, so keep your glass half full"... or ... "Diabetes kills.  Every day, sometimes without warning, even in the best of care."  or "The Cure is out there, we've met some incredible people on our journey with Diabetes, and, we are going to celebrate together when this is all over."

Realistic vs. Pollyanna; Negative vs. Positive; however you describe it, I know two things:  It just isn't and can't be one or the other, and, no matter which house you play your cards the end of the day, it's the end of the day.

I am trying to be honest with myself about this.  I definitely live in the world of glass half full and try to make the world a better place every day.  Am I unrealistic in my thoughts?  No, I don't think so...I know the dangers, the tragedy that lives and thrives in diabetes.  I've woken up at 3:00 am, every night, for fourteen years, whether my daughter had good numbers or bad...I check on her at least three times from the moment she hits the pillow to the moment she gets up.  I know the fear...I know it could strike even with my three checks a night...but I do not want to live there.

My daughter is also an awesome person, with great ability and wit~~her laughter and her sense of humor are two of my favorite things about her.  Do I go out of my way to tell her of the dangers and real life tragedies of diabetes?  I do not.  Does she know about them?  Yes.  When and if the need or situation arises for us to discuss these things, we do.  But, carrying that weight and fear around every day seems exhausting to me.  I would much rather work on plans and situations to make her life with diabetes manageable and part of the big picture of life than have it get in the way.  I want her to have that outlook as well.

Sometimes, I do find myself swallowed by the angst, the fear, the sadness of diabetes.  It isn't that I don't honor the seriousness, or the people, who have been dealt this cruel, unimaginable and sometimes all too real, side of diabetes.  I cry when I see a blue flame, my heart stops when I hear of someone passing, or someone being diagnosed.  I do go there...but then, I think, one of the best ways to honor those that have passed, those that have endured this senseless, horrible, heart-wrenching to live, to the best of my ability, with this monster called Diabetes.  I want to live in a way that shows my daughters that we do what we can to help others, to endure and to succeed, because we have this great gift of opportunity...just by being here.

I cry, I mourn, I fear...I choose to live, to love, to help when I can, and for me, that it is by being positive and doing what I can to show "the bright side".  Because, at the end of the day, it's the end of the day, and we've got another to get through tomorrow...